death, or something like it.

I feel like I'm diseased.

Some days I'm fine - no illness, no symptoms of pain.  Other days, I'm a complete and utter mess. Sorrow and anger oozes out of my pores, infecting the air and all those around me.

All the hard work I've done to heal becomes completely undone.
...and I'm back at square one.

More than anything these days, I am feeling betrayed. I feel like the people around me do not understand the  gravity of the situation I've been placed in - a situation I've been picked up and put in, not a situation I chose for myself.

When you get cheated on, everything in the universe turns on it's head. You question everything and trust no one. This is especially true when the two cheating devils dance within the same friendship circle -- the circle that I sat so neatly in for the last few years.  Now everything is destroyed especially because I'm hoping, praying that people choose to stand by my side.

...they aren't.

Honestly, this is just as painful as my own beloved cheating on me.

I feel like I have no real friends. I feel like I'm alone and that loyalty means nothing here.

I feel like I don't even like (most of) the people I'm associated with anymore.

I feel like I'm a shell of the person I once was. The optimism that was so trademark me has left me to live with someone new. I am not me anymore.

and nothing helps to make me feel better.

...except maybe constant repetition from him.
"I love you, I do. You're my all and everything in between. You are mine and I am yours forever.
.
.
.
I'll never hurt you again."

Hearing it over and over again forces me to believe it's true.
Is it true?
Tell me so.