Proceed, Praxis - no reminders here.

Oh hi, new blog.

It was time to start over. I've been feeling all of the things lately, and the only way for me to survive this shit hole I'm in is to start again. Start writing again, start feeling again, start getting excited again.

Thus Proceed, Praxis is born.

Already this feels right. From the beginning Praxsmiles seemed a bit off. It was me trying to become something I wasn't. It was me looking to fit into a trendy niche circle my curvy ass was never meant to fit in. So here I am getting back to basics. I've missed writing so much. I've stopped myself from doing this earlier thinking I had nothing to say. How wrong that feels now. I do have things to say. It may not seem important to anyone but me, but shit I'm still saying it.

The goal here is to be 100% authentic.
The goal is also to let all the crap that's lingering in my mind float out of there and onto here instead.
The goal is to find myself again.

A few months ago, I would have never thought it would be possible to steal my sunshine.
To dull my light.
To remove and destroy every ounce of confidence I ever had.

Oh how wrong I was.

It is possible, people. With one fell swoop of a (figurative) knife all my confidence was shattered.  A cheating man can do that to you. A trustworthy friend can do that to you. Is this a story for now? Probably not. It is my first post after all - it should be light and airy, fun and exciting.

... but this is what my life's become now.

Every single thought and thing I've done in the last few months has been tainted with the shitty events of a few months prior. It's just become a part of who I am now. It's hardened me - made me tougher. It's made me angrier and slower to forgive. My insides feel like concrete.

and that sunshine-y, optimistic praxsmiles is gone.

Praxis isn't smiling the same way any longer.

but she ain't dead either.

Praxis is. moving, fucking, ever forward.
and with no one's permission but her own, she shall Proceed.

Welcome to Proceed, Praxis friends.
Buckle the fuck in and lets get this puppy going.